Posted on December 10, 2014
Survive the (fashion) horror: What to wear for the zombie apocalypse
I love a good zombie. Hell, I even love a bad zombie. (Resident Evil: Retribution excepted as it was just plain awful. Clones ruin everything, and where I Alice get that catsuit anyway?)
When the zombie apocalypse hits, it won’t be easy to wash your clothes, so make sure you choose colours that won’t show the dirt so much. Think ‘puddle of sludge’ – drab greens and browns are your friends.
|Resident Evil Extinction: Awww, cheer up guys, at least you’re colour coordinated!|
You could decide to stick to a neutral palette – this will make it easier to integrate any new pieces you scavenge into your capsule wardrobe.
Or, y’know, don’t:
Should you actually wake up wrapped in a shower curtain, don’t be so quick to discard it. Consider how easily the zombie gore will simply wipe clean.
If you suspect capture by hostiles is imminent, make sure you’re wearing the most outlandishly conspicuous items in your arsenal. Even if you have to steal it from a friend and inspire some fan fiction along the way.
This will inevitably alert your team to the fact that someone’s about to become dish of the day.
|The Walking Dead: That poncho’s seen a lot of owners|
However, if you want to embrace your inner ingenue and indulge your youthful girly side, resist. Nothing good will come of it.
To put it another way, never wear white to an Italian restaurant or the zombie apocalypse. Sooner or later, just like Beth, you’ll end up covered in red stains.
|The Walking Dead: Dammit Beth, couldn’t you keep the cardigan clean for even one episode?|
|Dawn of the Dead: Before you put on that white shirt, ask yourself ‘is red really my colour?’|
When it comes to footwear, there’s only one option: boots. Nothing says “I will kick your ass” like a kick-ass pair of boots. Bonus: it will also inspire huge amounts of shoe lust, as evidenced by this thread, this thread and this thread.
As for weapons, the more the merrier. Always. If one is good, two is better. I mean, you’ve got two hands, right? (Well, unless you’re Merle Dixon.)
Bonus points for creative improvisation.
|Zombieland: Garden shears, banjo, cistern lid, cotton balls? It’s all good.|
Of course, once you’ve loaded up with weaponry, you will likely require all
manner of belts and holsters. Choose carefully and it won’t look like
you’re wearing a particularly hinky pair of braces (‘suspenders’ to our
|The Walking Dead: Gurrrrrrl! George R R Martin called, and he wants his suspenders back!|
Lastly, a quick question for the men of the The Walking Dead. If Rosita Espinoza can keep her legs shaved, what is going on with those things on your faces??
|The Walking Dead: There are no barber shops in the zombie apocalypse|
|The Walking Dead: Hey Rick! You can shave and think about things and stuff|